Almost all teens have disagreements with their parents or caregivers over their freedoms and beliefs. But for teens who have grown up in America with parents from foreign nations and often very different traditions, these disagreements can arise from deep cultural differences that create a huge divide between the generations.
"I am in a constant battle with my parents about what's modest, what's moral, what's acceptable," explains Sadia, 17, of Washington, D.C. , who is the daughter of Pakistani immigrants. "I'm a lot more liberal [than they are] when it comes to beliefs and issues," she says.
Like Sadia, many first-generation teens work hard to reconcile the old world beliefs of their parents with a highly independent, and often sexualized, American culture.
No Street Smarts
Jennifer,* a 17-year-old girl from Arizona who is of Filipino descent, believes that her parents' strictness and emphasis on education and family have held her back from experiencing the real world. "I'm not very ‘street smart,'" she explains. "I haven't gotten to experience the real world much. As a result, I am very dependent on others."
Jennifer says her parents' rules have made her feel sheltered socially. "My friends are allowed to do more," she says. "I am not as close with them because I don't experience things with them."
Sadia can relate to Jennifer's feelings of missing out on a regular social life because of her family's Islamic traditions. While respectful of her religion and her parents' beliefs, she sometimes feels trapped between the pressures of what is "normal" in her high school and what is acceptable to them. "Because my parents are so overprotective, I don't get to hang out with my friends as much."
Navigating Dating and Other Hot-Button Topics
One of the major battle grounds is dating. For Sadia, the conflicts with dating arise from her religion. Islam, she says, doesn't allow dating without the approval of her parents, and generally not without the intent of marrying her date. This arrangement certainly doesn't match well with the dating scene at her high school.
"My parents do not approve of my co-ed friendships and that is the BIGGEST argument in the house," says Sadia. "When a guy calls the house, it's like the apocalypse! But, I'm not budging. I firmly believe that a guy and a girl can just be friends, and that marrying for love is more important than marrying for the sake of parental approval."
Differences in beliefs about topics like dating can be bad enough, but what about hot-button issues like homosexuality?
Shane,* 17, from Bullhead, AZ, says that she struggles because her traditional Mexican parents "are not very accepting [of the fact that] I'm a lesbian." They are Catholic and, according to Shane, cling tightly to traditional beliefs. While being a lesbian is not a result of growing up in America , Shane's exposure to a more accepting American society has made her painfully aware of her family's intolerance.
The Myth of the Typical American Family
Practically every teen has worried at some point about how their families compare with the families of their peers. But for these teens, those kinds of comparisons often make them feel like they are being robbed of normal teen experiences.
Shelly*, 19, of Troy, NY , thinks that her father's Israeli background made an experience in which she wanted to take part very difficult. "Prom, the great all-American tradition, wasn't completely understood by my father" she explains. "When prom came around, he didn't really understand the whole fuss. So, my prom was very low-key. I borrowed a dress from a friend and just drove myself." Shelly* sometimes longs to be a part of what she calls a ‘typical American family.'
But what is this typical American family and who really has one? Shane says that she "would have preferred to grow up in an American family." However, she also thinks that the typical American family is a myth. "Just because [many] Americans have similar values and perspectives, [people think there is a] typical American family, but everybody is different, and everybody has different lives."
Ultimately, it is these differences that make America a great country. Without the influx of different traditions, cultures and backgrounds, there would be no American culture. Although life is sometimes frustrating and challenging for first-generation teens, their struggles to navigate both worlds only help spice up this country's diverse melting pot.
*Names changed to protect privacy.
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